In Webster's Dictionary a "hero" is defined thusly: "a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities; one that shows great courage..." If you asked my two sons who their hero was, they would say, "Kelly."
Hands down, Kelly has been the hero around here for the past four years. Maybe longer, actually, as we have known Kelly and his family for the past eight years: our children swim together with CSC, we attend the same parish, we live on one side of our church, they live on the other, separated only by one of the few remaining farm fields left in Carmel.
Through all these years, Kelly's devotion to his family was first and foremost the very definition of his life. Where his kids were, you would find Kelly. If the kids participated in something, Kelly was not only there, he served on the board, he volunteered, he shuttled his and everyone else's kids to and fro, he balanced work and play like it was a picnic every single day. Cheerleader extraordinaire for not only his kids, but all of our kids. Always. The support and encouragement each person gained from knowing Kelly was continuously present, the very essence of himself.
In life, each person has a moment when they learn of something that suspends them in time, a reference point from which they can always and forever draw from that moment on. My first experience with this was seeing my father alive for the last time when I was 5. From there I remember my First Confession, My First Communion, the day JFK was assassinated, and on and on throughout my life with various other things. And so it was, that such was the case when I stood beside our friend Kelly chatting about the day-to-day bits of life and he turned to me and said, "Kayte, when I went to Mayo Clinic, I found out that I have ALS."
My father's sister had just died from ALS, so I was not unfamiliar with the disease...my heart sank. I don't remember what I said, but I know there were tears in my eyes as I looked at him. He said, "You know, I don't care for myself as I have had a wonderful life, a full and rich life, experienced all the joys that one could hope to experience. But, I do care for Donna and the kids. Donna will need to be a single mother and my kids are just so young. I will miss so much with them. That's the part that I just can't come to terms with yet." His kids...Kelly was always all about the kids.
These past years he has spent in progressive decline with the ALS, but he still attended as many of the activities as he could, for and with his kids. In the early stages of ALS, right on through his last days, he was intent on making each and every day count, really really count. We all learned much from this. My boys learned how a hero handles a life lived in preparation for something completely out of one's control with grace, dignity, and joy, and with extreme love and concern for everything around him.
Late last night, Kelly lost his battle with ALS and slipped quietly away surrounded, as he had so hoped, by his family, at home. All these years, I knew eventually that the call would come, that the loss we would all feel would be great, but when the phone rang at midnight (never a good sign when our phone rings at that hour), and I heard the words, "Kayte, Kelly has just died and we need you to help with the arrangements, can you do that," I still could not register the words and what they meant...sleepiness or denial, I am not certain, but I never ever think things like this are actually going to happen, and I am never prepared. Is anyone?
I always think the sensible, practical, organized side of me will instantly spring to life, but it never happens like that...I am always a little dazed and groping before saying, "Yes, yes, what do you need me to do?" After an hour or so, things well in hand, I hung up knowing what I could do, and more frustrating, knowing what I could not do...I could not bring my boys' hero back to life.
Today, as I move about the motions of helping where I can, I know that I don't need to bring him back to life...that once a hero, always a hero, and that Matt and Alex will remember this man always and that his life will have affected theirs in a way that will honor his memory for as long as they live.
Please join me in praying for the repose of the soul of Kelly. Please pray for his wife Donna, and their children, Scott (16), Sarah (15), and Katie (12). And, if you are able, May is ALS awareness month, please donate $1 or $5 or $10 or $100 or whatever you can in Kelly's memory. http://www.alsa.org/ Thank you...your donation makes you a hero, too.
Rest in Peace, Kelly, you will be dearly missed by us all.